


reconnecting

by letshirosleep



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-24 10:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letshirosleep/pseuds/letshirosleep
Summary: As the Paladins decide on how to make their next move, old friendships need to be reconciled before they can continue. Lance finally lets go of all he’s been holding back.





	reconnecting

**Author's Note:**

> big spoiler warning for season 6!

Keith held Shiro in his arms carefully as they sat on the ground. He looked around at the Paladins and smiled slightly. They had won, at least for now. But now they needed a castle.

”Coran gave the plans to my dad,” Pidge stated, wiping her eyes once more. Keith carefully laid Shiro down for a moment and stood up.

”We’re going home.”

The team was silent then. It was a thought that hadn’t crossed anyone’s minds for years. Home. For as long as they had been away from Earth, home had been the Castle. Home had been with each other, with their lions... home hadn’t been Earth for quite a while. Keith didn’t exactly have a home on Earth; he had the shack, but nowhere else to go.

The questions lingering between all of the Paladins struck an awkward silence among them. No one wanted to address the elephant in the room, which was the fact that it would take quite a while to get back. But at that moment, they all only wanted to rest for a bit. Especially Keith.

”Let’s stay here for a bit and form a plan later. I’m exhausted,” Keith finally said, breaking the silence. Everyone else nodded silently in agreement, slowly moving to their separate lions. Keith and Krolia (and the wolf) all helped to pile Shiro back into Black while Allura, Coran, and Romelle headed to Blue. Pidge and Hunk walked together until they reached their respected lions. Everyone was in their lion now, trying to recuperate after the rough day.

Well, everyone except for Lance. 

Lance stayed where he was. He was holding back tears still, even after everyone had left. He didn’t want to cry again, even after just sobbing in front of his friends. As he thought more and more, he realized he didn’t exactly  _have_ friends on the team anymore.

He stood by himself for a bit, thinking. What was he thinking about? He wasn’t able to answer it himself. He was just... thinking in general. Not really sure what his next move was, Lance quickly wiped his eyes. He slowly moved, on shaking legs, towards the edge of the cliff where the lions were perched. He then carelessly dangled his legs over the edge, seated in a comfortable yet unsettling position on the edge. He sighed softly and scratched the back of his neck.

The wind of the unknown alien planet rustled Lance’s hair, almost familiarly. The more he thought about it, the more it reminded him of when he would return home from school when he was much younger. Times were simpler in Varadero. After school, he would run home, kicking rocks and dragging his feet in the dirt, happily making his way home to his mother. And, every day, as soon as he walked through the door, she’d great him the same way: “Dar una buena acogida, Lance,” and then ruffle his hair. He’d always shout “Mama!” and try to fix it before running off to do something else. 

The concept almost seemed foreign to him, like it hadn’t happened. It had been so long... too long, Lance thought. He wasn’t entirely sure how long they-no, he-had been away from Ear-home. Had been away from home. Lance groaned in frustration. He wasn’t even sure where home was for him anymore. It had been Earth for his entire life, until all of these things with Voltron had been thrust upon him. He even  _died_ for a brief period of time, but Allura had brought him back to life, just as she had done with Shiro. 

Lance paused his thinking briefly, but only to think about something else.

Did anyone even know, besides Allura, of course, that he had literally  _died_ during their mission against Sendak? Did anyone even care? Did... did Allura even care?

Before Lance knew it, he was tearing up again. No one even knew that he had died. He had saved Allura from harm, risking and losing his life in the process. No one even cared, or thought to ask him if he was okay... nothing. It was like the entire team had begun distancing themselves from him.

This all seemed to start when Keith left for the Blade of Marmora. It’s not like he cared too much when Keith left; they were rivals, after all. But it was still the start of the separation. He had no one to really talk to about anything, no one he could really jab at whenever he felt like it. 

Well, he could with Pidge and Hunk, right? After all, they flew that simulation together at the Garrison. Surely they were still friends after all of this. 

Lance paused and wiped his eyes once more. No. Not even those he had genuinely considered his friends were friendly to him. They were “Team Punk.” They didn’t need Lance. They had made fun of him when he was getting his heart broken about Allura. They weren’t his friends either.

And then there’s Shiro. He always looked up to Shiro, had always wanted to be just like him. He was his hero. But... now he was unsure of his feelings towards Shiro. Shiro wasn’t actually there for awhile. Lance reminded himself to ask Keith about it later, since he wasn’t entirely sure of what happened, but the Shiro that Lance had been training with for awhile hadn’t really been Shiro. So, it seems that he was separated from Shiro as well.

And now Allura. Well, all of the Alteans, Lance figured. Lance wasn’t really sure of what he felt about the new girl, Romelle. He didn’t know her very well yet. Coran had even been less talkative towards him recently. And of course, Allura.

Lance had really liked Allura since the moment he had quite literally held her in his arms. But she never reciprocated his love. At first, it was just occasional flirting and one-sided crushing. Then, it quickly turned into one-sided pining. But of course, Lotor had to steal her. And he like...died? Lance wasn’t exactly sure, but he’d like to think that he was gone forever. It was a nice thought.

He was pretty sure that Allura wouldn’t ever feel the same way. He felt fairly content with that as well. It was better for her to figure things out for herself, anyway. Lance definitely did not want to be a rebound from Lotor. That would be more insulting than anything.

Lance sighed again. All of this thinking and reflecting was starting to make his head throb. He probably just needed to sleep. Slowly, he stood up and adjusted his armor. It felt dented, and probably needed to be repaired. He dragged his feet towards Red, and she opened his mouth for him to climb inside. He quickly shucked his armor into a corner and climbed into his regular clothes. There was a small padded area that had suddenly appeared towards the back of Red, and Lance assumed it was a preprogrammed sleeping area. 

Not exactly caring anymore, Lance plopped down and stared at the ceiling. Red dimmed her interior lights. He smiled at the thought. It’s almost like his lion cares about him more than his teammates did. 

Well, that’s quite a thought. Lance’s expression quickly melted into a frown, and he soon found himself tearing up for what had to be the hundredth time today. 

Everyone really hated him, didn’t they?

That was Lance’s last thought before he drifted off, having tired himself out from crying.

-

Lance awoke suddenly. He shot up and almost hit his head on the wall as someone knocked on his lion. He groaned and stood up slowly, not bothering to check his appearance. Someone knocked on the door again, this time more persistent. Hesitantly, Lance located his bayard just in case, then let the door to Red open. To his surprise, it was Keith.

Keith looked at him cautiously. Lance looked back in the same manner. They both stood there awkwardly. 

“Can I come in?” Keith finally asked. Lance nodded and let him slip past, and the door closed quickly behind him. 

It had been quite awhile since the two had held a normal conversation. Lance plopped back into the mess of a bed that he had slept him. Kaltenecker, from the other end of the lion, stayed put and stared out of the window. Keith remained standing for a moment before sitting across from Lance. He leaned up against the wall and cleared his throat.

Lance blinked at him, not even realizing that he had zoned out.

”Sorry. It’s been a rough...few days, I guess?” Lance mumbled, laughing a bit. Keith nodded in agreement.

”I get it. I’m not surprised that you slept for so long, either.”

Lance cocked his head to the side, looking at Keith questioningly. 

“How long was I out?”

”Two days.”

Oh boy. That was longer than Lance had expected. He wondered how long everyone else had slept for.

”Did you get any rest?” Lance asked.

”Yeah. Shiro kept waking me up though. He’s been having nightmares.” 

That made Lance uneasy. He didn’t know much about what happened to Shiro, but being his usual self, he couldn’t help but worry.

”He’s okay, though,” Keith said quickly, as if he read Lance’s mind. “He’s doing way better than before. He’s been sleeping for longer than you have though.”

”What about the others?”

”They’ve been lounging around. Hunk’s been rationing the food he brought from the castle, and Pidge has been discussing Altean tech stuff with Coran, Allura, and Romelle for as long as you’ve been asleep.”

Keith said it so easily it was starting to make Lance think that Keith had changed while he was gone, and not just in muscle size. 

“What about you?” Lance asked, without thinking. He wished he could’ve taken back as soon as he said it though, from the look on Keith’s face.

”I’ve just been thinking, I guess. These past few...” he trailed off, thinking. “I don’t know how long it’s been. But however long it has been, it’s been really tough. And I think I’ve changed a lot.” He finished and shrugged his shoulders. Lance looked at him curiously. He wasn’t sure what he meant, but agreed with him regardless.

”You have too, Lance.” 

Now,  _that_ had caught him off guard. Lance blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what he had just heard.

”Huh?” Was all he managed.  _Very articulate, Lance._

”You’ve changed since I left. I can’t exactly figure out what’s changed, though,” Keith thought aloud. Lance was even more confused now. What was Keith getting at here?

”Are you trying to make fun of me?”

”What?”

”You are. You definitely are.”

”Lance, I’m not. I know there’s something wrong but there’s no reason to take it out on me.”

”What. There’s nothing wrong. Don’t talk to me like I’m your kid, Keith.”

Keith huffed. He crossed his arms and stared at Lance.

”I’m surprised you aren’t hanging out with Hunk or Pidge. Or like, flirting with Allura or something,” Keith smiled a bit as he finished.

Something in Lance finally snapped, and he let it out on Keith.

”Can you shut up about that? Why are you even here?” Lance snarled, crossing his arms and mirroring Keith. Keith looked back at him in surprise.

”What?”

”Just get out of my lion.”

”I was just trying to check up on you.”

”Get out, Keith.”

”Lance-“

”I said,” Lance stood up, almost trembling in anger, “ _Get. Out._ ”

Keith put his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I’m going. There’s food by Hunk if you want any.”

”GET OUT, KEITH,” Lance hissed as Keith exited, the door sliding closed behind him. He breathed heavily for a moment before sliding back down to the floor. His eyes filled with tears again.

He just pushed away another person. Another teammate. 

Another friend.

Lance groaned and put his face into a pillow, wanting to scream until he couldn’t anymore. He wanted to let go of all of the horrible feelings that he was keeping trapped inside, but he knew he just had to hold out a bit longer until they could go home. Instead, Lance curled back up into a ball and sighed, thinking of home.

-

He didn’t even realize that he had passed out again. His body ached as he sat up slowly, stretching his unused and exhausted limbs. He stood up after a bit and put his jacket on.

Looking back at Kaltenecker briefly, he smiled and exited his lion slowly. The others, even Shiro, were gathered around what looked like a makeshift fire, eating something that Hunk had prepared. Lance took a sniff and enjoyed the smell, so he made his way closer to the source.

”Hey, Lance!” Hunk said, mouth full of whatever he had cooked. Lance waved a bit and took a portion of what was left. He sat down, slightly away from everyone else. Everyone looked at him when Hunk announced his presence. He suddenly felt very self conscious. 

“What?”

Pidge smirked. “You fell asleep for like...three more days.” Lance shrugged and took a bit of the food, which turned out to be just as delicious in taste as it was in smell. The others were still looking at him, except for Keith’s pet wolf. It was looking at his food.

”Are you alright, Lance?” Allura asked, concern covering her face. Lance nodded as he shoved more food into his mouth.

”Are you sure?” asked Coran, “I’m no expert on humans, but I do believe that they are not meant to sleep for such extensive periods.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I guess I was just worn out. Sorry?” He smiled a bit and finished his food. Putting his plate down in front of him, the wolf quickly bound over and licked up the crumbs, then returned to Krolia’s side.

Shiro finally spoke. “Listen, Lance, about what happened awhile back, with Voltron-“

Lance quickly cut him off: “Can we not talk about that right now?” The side conversations had quickly halted, and Lance realized a bit too late that he had raised his voice. 

“No need to yell, Lance,” Krolia said carefully.

”Didn’t mean to,” Lance muttered defensively. Even the wolf looked a bit taken aback by what had just happened.

“Lance, are you positive you’re okay?” Romelle said quietly. Lance looked at her for a moment, thinking.

In truth, Lance was not okay. Not at all. So many things had gone on and gone wrong that he wasn’t sure what was fiction and what was reality. 

“You know what?” Lance finally said, loudly to keep everyone’s attention, “No. I’m not okay. Not at all! But I appreciate everyone’s sudden concern for my well-being.” He stood up and the wolf jumped up too, wagging its tail.

”Lance-“ Allura started, but Lance glared her down.

”No, Allura. Don’t try to stop this. It was going to come out anyways, so just let me speak.” He spat, glaring daggers into her. Her mouth snapped shut and she didn’t make another noise. Lance inhaled and exhaled slowly, regaining his composure only slightly.

”There’s a lot of things wrong. And I’m going to explain all of them right here, right now, in front of everyone, because I truly don’t have anything to lose anymore.

”For starters, I literally died a few days ago, but no one seems to care about that.” There was stunned silence among the group. “Yeah, that’s right, I died. And you know why? I was saving Allura! Sendak was firing his stupid ion cannon, and because I was literally the only one there, I pushed Allura’s lion out of the way and got hit instead. And while the rest of you were doing your thing, Allura had to bring me back to life. But yeah, I’m perfectly fine, right? Right?!” Lance’s breathing was much faster than before. He ignored this and continued.

”I’m also super homesick. I miss Earth so, so much. I get that not everyone has anything to go back to,” as he said this, he turned his focus to Keith, “but I definitely do. I have family there that I just want to go home to. My brothers Marco and Luis, my sister Veronica, my mom...everyone. But no, I’m stuck out here saving the universe.

”You know what else? I talked to the real Shiro briefly, at one point. Awhile ago. I didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t hear him, and I could’ve prevented everything from happening, but no one cares about that. I was sobbing my eyes out because of that when Shiro’s clone’s body was basically lying dead on the ground, but did anyone care?” Lance was tearing up already, “No! Not one of you did anything at all.

”And don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you two!” Lance shouted, taking a few steps towards Hunk and Pidge. Their faces dropped as Lance started yelling directly at them. “You two were my only real friends. I thought we were, at least, but you two really abandoned me. I get that you have this whole ‘Team Punk’ thing going on, but you’ve excluded me and I’m sick of it. And when I was heartbroken over her,” Lance pointed to Allura, “all you two did was make fun of me! That hurts, ya know? I really liked her, but no, all you two could do was mock me and pretend to be Lotor and Allura. You guys were not my friends.

”Even when I just wanted to hang out with you guys or help Allura and Lotor, it was always ‘the engineers’ or just you two. Never me. I wasn’t included. Why? Why not, huh? Weren’t we friends?” Lance backed away from them, letting their shocked expressions be satisfaction enough.

”Lance, I think that’s en-“

”Stop, Keith,” Krolia whispered, pulling her son’s arm and forcing him to sit back down. “Let him. He needs it.”

Lance huffed. There was so, so much he had to say. He was so close to exploding.

”Allura.” He turned to her. “I-I’m sorry. I know I’ve been super weird to you. But I seriously have had to console animals about you since no one else here,” he turned and addressed the group, “was even going to talk to me about you. I truly liked you in a way you’ll never understand, and it hurts because you’ve never quite felt the same.” He was tearing up even more now. He wiped them away and turned to Shiro.

”You.” Shiro tensed up, not used to seeing Lance this way. “You were my hero. And-and I know it’s my fault for not being able to connect with you through Voltron. You abandoned me. And I don’t-“ he paused and sniffled, “-I can’t deal with it. It hurts so much, Shiro.” Lance turned to Keith, finally.

”Keith.” The other straightened up, maintaining a neutral expression. “I hate you, man.”

Keith’s neutral expression immediately turned sour.

”So what, you leave for awhile and go do some cool Galra stuff, and suddenly you’re the best out of all of us? You one up me in everything, you leave and get stronger and find your family and get the coolest alien pet I’ve ever seen, and suddenly you’re all that? I don’t get it.” He paused, chuckling through his pain. “I’m so jealous of you. I wish I could have my family with me right now.”

Lance turned to address the group as a whole now. “I considered you guys my family. I-I really did.” The tears threatened to spill. “But now I can’t even do that.”

To Hunk and Pidge, “You guys are horrible friends.”

To Allura, “You broke my heart.”

To Shiro, “You abandoned me.”

To Keith, “You make me so angry.”

To everyone else, “You don’t even care.”

And finally, “No one cares. Not a single one of you care. When Allura was bringing Shiro back, I cried. Did anyone care? No! When I died, did anyone care? No! When Allura and Lotor, and Hunk and Pidge were all off doing their own things, did anyone care? No!” He breathed heavily.

”None of you care.”

He was done. He collapsed to the ground and sat in silence, letting the tears fall. He let it all out. Everything he was angry about, everything he was sad about. Every emotion he had built up throughout this long and harrowing space journey was let out.

The team sat in silence, watching him with pale expressions. He stood up and ran off towards his lion, sobbing loudly as he went. When his lion’s door slammed shut, no one spoke for a minute.

Finally, a single voice, belonging to Keith: “What did you guys do while I was gone?”

Hunk snapped his dropped mouth closed and shrugged, shocked from everything that had happened. He looked to Pidge who said nothing. Shiro looked just as confused, and poor Allura was on the verge of tears. Keith stood up and began making his way to Red.

”Let me handle this. I hurt him the least, I guess.” The others nodded in shocked silence. 

Keith hesitated before knocking on the door again. Was this really a good idea? He still had hurt Lance...to some degree. It just seemed like Lance was jealous of his newfound familial bound with his mother and the wolf, and Shiro to a degree. After thinking it over, he knocked. The door slid open immediately after the first knock. Keith smiled a bit, knowing it was Red. He silently thanked her and stepped inside.

Lance had moved his makeshift bed to the front of the lion and was cuddled in it tightly. Keith’s heart broke a little as he listened to the shaky and broken sobs coming from within. He quietly stepped towards Lance and sat down next to him.

”Lance?” He said after a moment, startling him slightly. Lance held back his sobbing and curled even tighter into his ball. There was no response.

”Lance, I just wanna talk,” Keith said quietly. The bundle shifted slightly. After a moment, Lance’s face emerged.

Keith’s heart broke even more. He was still crying, eyes red and puffy. His nose was running and his face was covered in tears and snot. It was truly heartbreaking to see the usually upbeat guy turn into a sad and broken shell of himself. Keith stared for a moment, waiting for Lance to say something.

Finally, after the deafening silence was becoming too much, Lance threw himself at Keith. Not in any way threatening, Keith soon realized, but an embrace. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s shoulders tightly and buried his face in his shoulder. 

Keith was startled, to say the least. But he didn’t exactly have any other good way of consoling Lance, so instead, he wrapped his arms around Lance and rubbed his back. The sobbing immediately started up again, causing Lance’s body to tremble. Keith sighed and held him tighter, whispering small things to allow Lance to let his feelings flow freely.

It was content. Nothing romantic, just some form of touch that Lance was so deprived of. He needed it, they both realized, he needed a way to let his feelings go, after bottling them up for so long. The thought made Lance sob harder into Keith’s shoulder.

Maybe now he could start building his relationships with the team back. Maybe now he could be at peace with everyone, with the universe, and with himself. Maybe he would go home soon, or find a new home out here. Maybe their journey could continue in a better atmosphere, one without pent up anger and bottled up feelings. Maybe he would find someone else to have a terrible crush on, or someone who could reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he already had, but Lance wasn’t going to delve into that just yet. Right now, he was focusing on himself, and how he would become better for him and himself alone. Lance didn’t know for sure if any of these “maybes” would become reality, but there was one he was sure of.

Maybe now he could be happier.


End file.
